Miscarriage

      When I was a child I used to imagine that I was in different places from what my reality was. There was a time that my parents were doing the best they could do to provide for my sister and me, but we can feel the toll it was taking on them. We didn’t have a lot of material things during this time, but my imagination of where I can envision my family and me to have more carried me through my childhood and made it a good one. I read books, created paintings and drawings, and even played outside with my imaginary friend. When we are children our imagination is usually the very thing that we use the most. When we become adults the whole concept of imagination starts to feel unrealistic.

Today I was feeling kind of uninspired and feeling like I neededa little push. By the grace of God my friend text me to look at one of the videos he had posted on his Facebook. Immediately I go to it thinking that it was maybe going to be something to make me laugh. Boy was I wrong; it was a message that changed my life within minutes. The person in the video was talking about using our imagination like we did when we were a child in the upcoming year of 2017. He started stating that our imagination is a gift that God has given us in order to be successful. 

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” – Albert Einstein

The message in the video started to have me think about how the world can make us lose the dream that was put inside of us as a child. We end up losing our most powerful childlike ability which is to imagine and create our own reality. The creative adult is the child that survived the miscarriage. We reach back to that childlike imagination and bring it to the present. We have the ability to tap into our imaginations and create a product, place, or thing that would be beneficial not only to us, but to others as well. We have to ask God to restore our imagination and ignite our visions again. 

My son likes to play with dinosaurs and whatever he is visualizing with his imagination, he moves the dinosaurs in the physical to respond to those things that he has envisioned. He is creating a reality for his dinosaurs that started with his imagination. I realized that I have to start taking steps towards what is unseen, ordering my footsteps in the physical. Action is what creates the reality that we imagine ourselves in. My actions have to speak louder than my words and also louder than my imagination.

“Where there is no vision, there is no hope.” – George Washington Carver

With my experience in network marketing, the company I was with used to teach us to imagine us hitting a certain goal, or signing up a certain amount of people. I saw firsthand of how it could work for a person and how it couldn’t. Some people would take their imagination and run with it. Others like me would be really confused and not sure if what they are imagining could come to reality. We cannot allow fear to take over what we imagine for our lives. Fear is an emotion of the devil and he wants us to feel this way in order to miscarry our dreams. It is okay to want better for our reality and for our lives in general. The world is not set up to help you meet your destiny, its set up to make you feel it could NEVER happen. Start to IMAGINE and get to CREATING!!!

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.” – George Bernard Shaw

Angry Black Woman

“I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance.” – bell hooks

I was listening to an interview on the Breakfast Club with the music producer Pharrell Williams. If you are not familiar with whom he is, he made one of the best songs ever called Happy. He recently helped produced a movie called Hidden Figures that is based on the untold story of Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson. The three women were valuable assets to the launching of astronaut John Glenn into orbit. If they were not part of this mission John Glenn wouldn’t have made it to the moon. They were all intelligent women and changed the course of how America and other countries view women today, especially black women.

I’m really excited about seeing this movie and I feel it is time for stories like these to be told on a platform for everyone to see.  I’m also excited that black women are being represented in a way where we don’t have to have all of our clothes off or have to perform a song. Nothing wrong with these representations, well maybe one, but to be honest I am bored with how I and other women in my culture are viewed and mostly represented. We tend to sometimes have to take the good with the bad.  There have been some winning moves that have transpired by black women such as the new series Insecure created and co-written by Issa Rae that has had major success on a major cable network which is well, pretty MAJOR.

The interview got me to thinking about how great it is for me to be a black woman today. You see my journey as a black woman in America has had its ups and downs, but I always have found within myself to love my looks, skin color, hair etc. no matter what. There have been times where people asked the infamous question of what am I? I tend to give them a blank look at first and then I proceed to tell them I’m black. Then they proceed to tell me that they didn’t mean any harm by it, I just have beautiful features and blah blah blah. This post is not to bash other cultures, but it is all personal experience.  In a way it makes me feel like strange fruit because people admire it, but don’t really want to know what the taste is because of how it looks. 

"Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by other, is one of the most difficult challenges I face.” – Carol Moseley-Braun

I feel that black women are some of the most misunderstood women because there are so many layers and elements that come with us. There are so many personalities and looks as well as skills we multitask flawlessly. Even with all of these great things that I as well as other can bring to the table, I still feel a slight side eye that will always take place amongst my peers. There’s always an extra effort that will have to be put into my greeting with others, or my assignment that’s maybe due for work. We are either very intelligent or really ghetto with no in between. There are certain feelings and topics that society has made us feel we have to hide or just not talk about at all.

The song Don’t Touch My Hair by Solange was so liberating for me because sometimes people don’t really understand it’s annoying when someone wants to touch your hair. When you feel it’s a normal hairstyle for you, but the person makes a big deal of it. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with compliments and sometimes I liked to be acknowledged for being different. At the same time the emphasis put on certain things that make me the woman I am are a little bit too much. I have learned to build a thick skin, be more confident, and not take these things too personal.

All of this has made me realize I wouldn’t change my ethnicity for any other one in the world. I find pride in being a black woman no matter how we may be represented in television, movies, music, etc. I don’t have to identify myself as someone else’s opinion because I know what I bring to the table. I am beautiful, intelligent, gentle, kind, sweet, funny, and way more. No color makes me less or more than anyone else. 

If you are a black woman reading this blog post, I hope you found some truth in this. Us black women don’t have to be hidden figures like the women were in the movie. We can shine our lights so bright that they won’t have a choice, but to put us at the forefront like everyone else. Thank God that I have this creative space to invite you in and help you get a better understanding of me, a black woman. Go see and support the movie Hidden Figures when it comes out!!!!

“Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” – Zora Neale Hurston

I HATE College

Once I graduated high school  I felt free and was glad that it was over. While everyone was excited for the next chapter in their lives which mostly consisted of college, I was one of the few true that thought about other things. Did I really need to go to college to figure out what my destiny was? Did I really have to go back to sit in a classroom for a four extra years just to receive a paper? I really admire the people who have completed their college degree successfully and I commend their hard work. For me on the other hand, college never has fit within my life no matter how hard I tried. At least not yet.......

I graduated when I was 17 years old, I was really young and I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't feel as if I wanted to waste my parents money when I really didn't have a career in mind.That's when  I started community college to save money, with the hopes of being a journalist while all my other friends moved away to other universities that were pretty well known. I picked mass communications as a study because I thought it would be the best degree to use my creativity. It was great in the beginning, but soon I started to become extremely bored. The routine was getting to me and I wasn't and still am not a routine person.

In high school I took Art classes all the way up to the advanced one which you could only get in if you were really good at it. Those were the only classes I took serious in high school when I was there. I wanted to have a career in art, but I allowed people to talk me out of it. There were people who told me that there's no money in it. Being young I took it to heart and pretty much ended my whole art career dreams after I graduated. 

All of the sudden I had this bright idea that I was going to move away to North Carolina to start working and that's exactly what I did. You see, I wanted a fresh start like all of my other friends were getting. While this was one of the most not so smart moves I could've made in my life, it was one of the best life lessons I ever learned. I moved down there with the hopes of going to go to North Carolina A&T University for journalism, get a job, get an apartment, and life would be great. 

The move turned out to be the total opposite to say the least. I wasn't able to get into to school, I had a temporary job that lasted me only 3 months, and I could barely afford my car let alone my rent. Your girl was hurting out there and needed to make an executive decision to leave. I ended up having to move back to Virginia with my parents and the harsh reality that my plan had failed. I realized only recently that it failed because I went the opposite direction of what God had set up for me in the first place.

 I ended getting what you call a good job and going back to school online for business. I picked business because I always wanted my own business but didn't know exactly what type of business. I always knew I was destined to be somebody and do something, but I really didn't take the time to seek God first. Seeking God first is such a true experience because he will guide, direct, and make a path for you. After taking a couple semesters of online classes for business I found myself bored again. In a routine that didn't intrigue me or challenge my mind. Instead of learning about business I just wanted to start one and get it over with. I eventually stopped my classes and found myself feeling like a failure again. 

One day I asked God what did he have for me because I feel like a failure for not wanting to go to college, also because I didn't have a degree like everyone else. Not too long after that I stumbled accross a personality test online that I decided to take. My results for a career was every type of career that had to do with being artistic and creative. Then shortly after that I was invited to a sip and paint party by a friend and I haven't put down a Paint brush since. Something sparked inside of me that night, my love of art had came back stronger than ever since high school. That one night changed my life and it had nothing to do with college. 

After that night I learned that there was a career in Art. I ended up having my first art show, teaching Paint classes, and selling some of my creations. All of the things that people told me about art in a negative way was turning into a positive. I was able to see how powerful God's plan was for my life. He showed me that I didn't have to rely on college to make me somebody or make me feel liberated. It was a plan that was uniquely and wonderfully made just for me and I felt really special. So special that I stopped thinking about trying to put myself in space that I didn't fit. There were so many other things that I was trying to go to school for and God just told me to stop and use my gifts he placed inside of me.

The point of this blog post is not to discourage people from going to college, but really seek God on what he has for your life. You may be surprised that it is the total opposite of what society will make you think and feel. I was trying to fit myself in a box that wasn't for me and it showed through the many failures that took place. Sometimes God will put you through his college courses for you to learn what you have to bring to the world. Today I want you to think about where your at in your life at the moment. Are you living life according to others? Or are you living life according to your true self?

Pimping ain't easy.....

Is the Church my Pimp?

When I wake up on Payday my first initial thought is not to give my money to the church, but what bills do I have to pay. I mean why should I give my hard earned money to the church? So the Pastor and can live better than me and show off his or her nice clothes and fancy cars? Are there other bills of the church that they are not telling us about, to where they keep preaching on tithes and offering In order to make us feel guilty about it? Or maybe, just maybe my Pastor may drop the bomb on us that he needs a private jet or plane to get back and forth for his mission trips that only he and couple other people are allowed to go in. I just don’t want to give my cold hearted cash when I don’t understand the concept in the first place…..

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus – Philippians 4:19

It took me a while to BELIEVE the scripture quoted above because I didn’t feel as if God was blessing me for what I was sewing aka what I was giving from my funds. When I was a kid I remember sitting in church and when it was time for tithes and offering there were some adults that started rejoicing and then there were some adults that had this ill look and feeling come over them. I would wonder why there was such a split reaction amongst the humans I was around. As I grew older the same reaction was still came from my fellow colleagues.

Tithes and offering has had a bad rap sheet when it comes to the media. There have been federal investigations done with pastors such as Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, and Eddie Long to just name a few. These types of stories hinder the minds of the world to think that all churches are operating in a suspect manor. This is understandable because if you are not aware of or study what tithing and offering is. You will continue to go off of word of mouth and articles, magazines, etc. Instead of diving head first into the bible and what it teaches about growing your wealth you will think that people are out to get your money.

You are cursed with a curse, For you have robbed Me, Even this whole nation – Malachi 3:9

I want you all to understand that I didn’t take tithing serious until this year. There were times in the past where I would put chump change in here and there, but didn’t make a conscious effort of it. I didn’t feel as if I should because for one I didn’t feel connected, I felt used. I felt used for my money only because I wasn’t being used within the church. Nobody was encouraging for me to volunteer let alone making me aware of what I could do to work within the church. The only time I felt I was being talked to was when it was time to put my tithes and offering in a basket or offering plate. Those people weren’t the people at fault for my actions though so there’s no need to play the blame game.

When I started attending the church I go to now I made a vow to myself,   I was going to make a conscious effort to have my Tithes and Offering on the regular. I wanted to see what would take place if I surrendered and put my trust in God with my finances. What I didn’t realize, was how damaged my heart, mind, and spirit was from years and years of being hurt from the church. My personal experience of tithing wasn’t because I was confused or didn’t have my money. My rebellion of not tithing was stemming from not being used in multiple churches. When I say not being used, I mean that I was over looked by several people for reasons only God knows.

Money won’t create success, the freedom to make it will. – Nelson Mandela

God knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle what he had for my life at that time. He knew that I would need to go through some things and situations in order to know that Tithing and offering is not about me in the first place, but it  is VERY IMPORTANT. When a pimp controls prostitutes he or she is in control of not only their clients, but also what funds they make from such activity. If they do not receive part of their finances there could be serious consequences for the prostitutes. The serious consequences that took place with my finances were almost detrimental to my life and my sense of well-being because I almost lost everything the years before.

I was searching for a way to stay afloat with my bills and money while all along I needed to honor GOD instead of PEOPLE with part of my income. Now I’m not saying that the church is my pimp or anyone else’s, but there was a time where I thought that was the case. I believed serious consequences were going to happen and I was going to get a lightning bolt struck down upon me. There was so much guilt that it turned into me giving more than what I had myself to where I ended up broke. I had put my trust in people instead of hearing what God had to say to me and me only.

Within meditation this year God had spoken to me about being successful. The first tip that he gave me was to give my tithes and offering every time I got paid. I suddenly felt chills when I heard that. Tithes and offering is a form of honoring God. When I started to honor God with my money, things started to happen rapidly. My gifts and talents started to pour out like oil. There was a new freshness and awakening that took place. Whoever is reading this will need to know that if you want to have a positive form of success you have to honor God with EVERYTHING. I’m not perfect, but what I do know is that I have seen the miracles that can take place with you do this consistently.

Take time today to meditate on what you want your life to be and how you would like it to change. Write down what you hear or get a sense of, also write down where you would like to be in life eventually without giving it a time frame. Then when you get to that place you can look back and see that God has been there for you every step of the way. Even with your finances…….

Sex is overrated....

Sex is overrated…

We live in a sex craved society these days that condition people to believe that sex is the very thing that makes relationships “better” or more “stronger” per say. You can find articles in magazines such as the Cosmopolitan, Elle, and even Women’s Health that oozes this illusion of a sexual culture. Good looking males and women model on the covers of the magazines with their unrealistic bodies and smiles. There’s an image of couples that are both laughing and joking out in the park or play fighting in bed which sounds and looks great and totally gets you to connect with what the writer is saying! It makes us feel warm and cozy inside and yearning for what the image may represent to our minds. Well let me start off by telling you, this blog is in no way being written in order to bash or offend anyone. This is all MY personal experience with a little fact from the Bible aka my lifeline.  Now let’s get started!

Titus 1:15 – To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.

Just like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air song goes….”Now this is story all about how my life got twist, turned upside down, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there and I’ll tell you how this sexual culture almost ruined my life.”

Coming from a Christian background and home the topic of sex was NOT talked about or thought about which could be detrimental to any teen girl or boy. No offense to my parents, but growing pains start to take place and becoming a teenager there’s a realization the world has much more to offer than what your parents have taught and told you. I on the other can say that I was the least bit hard headed and was curious to find out on my own things that maybe should’ve been talked about more. From my personal experience it made me want to rebel more instead of following the way the bible teaches.

Let’s face it; everywhere we turn there is some type of reference to the sex.  We have movies, TV shows, music, school books, etc. that all involve sex. We even have commercials that now look like porn. There are shows that my 2 year old son watches that have things that only an adult would understand within them that lead me to writing this blog about this topic specifically. It’s no way we can deny or say that sex is not a part of everything in these times and it is only going to get worst.

1 Corinthians 7:9 - But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

The bible teaches us that sex is a very sacred thing amongst the married and that if you are unable to have self-control it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9) Now when you look at the ending of that scripture you read the “burn with passion” part. Psychologically in my mind there is a deeper meaning to that more than what people may see on the surface. I learned that having multiple sex partners is very dangerous, and you are risking your livelihood every time you lay down with someone. There are not only diseases that you can physically contract, but in a supernaturally in the spirit world you can contract much worst.

I may have dodged being physically burned, but I for sure did not dodge being spiritually burned which I thank GOD every day that he has healed me from all of the burning that had taken place. You see sex for me wasn’t ever something that I wanted to do just because. The images and visuals that I was seeing around in the world made me want to experience what they were having because I didn’t realize there was a void. For instance in movies they make every scene seem as if the people are deeply in love that are in relations with each other. That was far from the truth and I definitely had to snap out of thinking the sex equaled love because of this.

Growing up with an alcoholic father, really lead me down this path that the devil thought was going to take me out. It wasn’t until recently that I learned the love I so called was trying to get from guys through sex was the love I was yearning for from the very first male figure that I was supposed to be in love with…My DAD! My mind was already conditioned because of what society forces down our throat with how sex is supposed to help and incur. I also realized that I was missing the intimacy that I was supposed to have with God, my creator, and original Father. 

My physical father was unable to love me the way that he should because he was unable to fully love himself correctly. There was a struggle to completely connect with him because his feelings about himself stood in the way and ended up making him selfish. He didn’t realize that it was affecting me and my siblings. There seems to be a struggle with many people about the way they look and the way they love themselves first. The world makes you believe that sex is the answer to all of those voids and it is not! Personally it did not fill the voids my heart may have suffered from, but it definitely taught me a valuable lesson about love.

No human can love you like the way God does, he created you, so why would he not love you more than anyone else. God knows everything about you from the gaps in your teeth to the birth marks you may have that nobody else is able to see. Everything that God sets out for the good, including SEX, the devil will turn into something evil and more of a distraction to get your attention off of the REALEST relationship you can ever have! If you don’t know God get to know him fast!  If you don’t know where to start, reach out to someone you know who is a believer that you feel comfortable with and go to coffee, out to eat, or their house to start conversations about who God may be. Have a blessed one and I hope this helps you or someone you may know.

“I have learned that love can grow without sex, and that sex does not always lead to love.” - Anonymous